The Differences Between Men and Women: Part 2
And some more…
LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days.
A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.
SOCKS:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.
Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
PLANTS:
A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation.
The man will water the plants.
The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants.
No one knows why this happens.
MUSTACHES:
Some men look good with mustaches: Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.
There are no women who look good with mustaches.
LOW BLOWS:
Letâs say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television, and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow.
The woman says âOh, gee, that must hurt.â
The man doubles over and actually feels pain.
ADMITTING MISTAKES:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.
The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.
MENOPAUSE:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.
MIRRORS:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.
Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface â mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiolaâs headâ¦
GARAGES:
Women use garages to parke their cars and to store their lawnmowers.
Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless wooden things in garages.
HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their âiâsâ with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their âpâsâ and âgâs.â It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when sheâs dumping you, sheâll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults.
Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
RELATIONSHIPS:
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled âAll Men Are Idiots.â Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup â at 3 am early on a Sunday morning â he will call and say âI just wanted you to let you know you ruined my life, and Iâll never forgive you, and I hate you, and youâre a total floozy. But I want you to know thereâs always a chance for us.â This is known as the âI Hate You/I Love Youâ drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.
The Differences Between Men and Women Part 1
Here’s just a few we’ve found. Please scroll down.
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| NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy |
| EATING OUTWhen the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. |
| MONEYA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. |
| BATHROOMSA man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. |
| ARGUMENTSA woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. |
| CATSWomen love cats.Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats. |
| FUTUREA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. |
| SUCCESSA successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man. |
| MARRIAGEA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does. |
| DRESSING UPA woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.A man will dress up for weddings and funerals |
| NATURALMen wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.Women somehow deteriorate during the night. |
| OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. |
[button link=”http://www.sanitaryum.com/2010/01/24/funny-written-stuff/the-differences-between-men-and-women-part-2/” bg_color=”#19ba0d”]Part 2[/button]
